🔍 Finding Certainty in Uncertainty

From panic to peace on plane bathrooms

Aloha fellow learn-it-all 👋

Greetings from Los Angeles, California!

First time I’m making my stay here longer than a layover. The city where the first TV show I ever binge-watched with my family in my youth was filmed: 24. Kiefer Sullivan played Jack Bauer in this action drama—iconic cliffhangers. A lot of sleep was lost across these nine seasons and 192 episodes. Worth it. I still got my growth spurt eventually.

Here’s the beautiful sunset I watched last night as I watched eight lanes of traffic drive by:

Now, let’s dive into letter 230 from a learn-it-all. Enjoy!

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❓Question to think about

What is my relationship to fear?

🖊️Writing

As a kid, I got locked in my friend’s bathroom. After what felt like hours of panicking and talking to Emily through the door, I finally crawled out the window. That experience left me with a touch of claustrophobia. I don’t love small spaces.

That fear extended to plane bathrooms. I was terrified of them and avoided using them for as long as possible. On short flights, like the three-hour trip from Detroit to Florida, I just held it in. But when I flew to Europe for the first time to meet my Dutch family, I was eleven and knew I wouldn’t make it through the six-hour flight. So, I recruited my sister and mom to stand outside the bathroom while I used it. I didn’t lock the door, terrified of getting stuck, running out of oxygen, and dying alone in there. My fear was irrational, but it felt very real. Each time after that, though, it got a little easier. Now, I can laugh at the fear.

I could’ve let that fear grow into something bigger, but where would that leave my adventurous spirit? I probably wouldn’t have studied abroad or moved to Hawaii if I’d let a fear of plane bathrooms control me.

It’s easy for me to reflect on this past fear now, but others—like public speaking—still feel very real. I can’t just think my way out of them.

That brings me to something my friend Sara said recently:

Even if I am uncertain of the future, I am certain of my capability to handle whatever comes my way.

a shady bamboo forest in Makiki Heights October 21, 2023

Uncertainty can paralyze me, like a deer in headlights. But what good does that do? Fear has a purpose: to keep me alive, but life’s purpose isn’t to be fearless. It’s about recognizing my fears and testing their boundaries. Fear doesn’t define me; instead, I can stay curious in the present and see where it leads.

Looking back, my fear of plane bathrooms seems small, but it taught me something big. Even in moments of panic, I learned to face uncertainty, one step at a time. Life is full of unknowns, but just as I eventually felt comfortable with those cramped spaces, I’ve come to trust my ability to navigate through uncertainty. Fear may not disappear, but I can move forward, knowing I'll find my way.

I cried saying goodbye to my mom yesterday at the airport. I am uncertain when I’ll see her again in Michigan, but I am certain of my love for my family, and I’ll return eventually. That, I am sure of. And that I can use an airplane bathroom without as much fear.

📜🖋 Poetry Corner

A poem from Yung Pueblo Inward Collection

i held my fear by the hand,
honored its existence, and
thanked it for teaching my
that happiness exists beyond
the boundaries it creates

🎬 Watching

I watched the movie Parasite on the plane. Here’s a scene that stayed with me.

“Ki-woo, you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all. No plan. You know why? If you make a plan, life never works out that way. Look around us. Did these people think, ‘Let’s all spend the night in a gym?’ But look now. Everyone’s sleeping in the floor, us included. That’s why people shouldn’t make plans. With no plan, nothing can go wrong. And if something spins out of control, it doesn’t matter. Whether you kill someone, or betray your country. None of it matters. Got it? “

There was more gore then my liking in this. My main lesson I’m taking with me is how planning can be useful.

🎧Listening

Graduation by Vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same (Same)

But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now
'Cause you don't have another day

🌟Quote to inspire

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. - Maya Angelou

📸Photo of the Week

I enjoyed a scrumptious brunch in downtown Detroit where my sister works. I left with a well nourished body and great vibes with my family. It’s a popping place!

🙏Shoutouts

• To ohana in Michigan that I got to spend quality time with <3

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I appreciate you reading this!

If ideas resonated, I’d love you to press the heart button, leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach me at vermetjl@gmail.com.

Keep on learning 😁

Mahalo 🌺

Jen

PS - if you want to read more about fear, check out 😱Letter 94: Why am I chasing fear?

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