Why I said Yes
For future me who will forget the frivolities of May 2026 (letter 317)
Hello friend 👋 Greetings from Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Usually, at the start of a month, I make a list of ideas of things I want to experience. This month, I created more of a “Done” list. After I did something, I checked a box and made a new item on my May list. Now, let’s dive into letter 317 from a learn-it-all. Enjoy!
🖊️Writing
I feel this tension between being courageous and honest while also craving to feel safe and preserved.
And then there’s also this other tension, that I want to see the glass half full and focus on the water there yet I still want to be *real* and honest about the parts that aren’t full.
So where does that leave me?
I write most of the time based on what I presume my future self would want to read. But I know she doesn’t want to just read the “what”. Most of those events are recorded in my calendar.
My future self wants to know the HOW. The WHY? The Thoughts after the fact. The FEELINGS. The WHO and the somebodies that might become nobodies, since my mind is a machine with forgetting as part of its infrastructure.
My future self wants to remember that ~cinnamon sky~ from a couple of nights ago while strolling at sunset. About sharing stories of my happy high times while simultaneously making new ones. She wants to remember speed walking home in the heavy rain with a soggy Dell cardboard box.
And so, per usual, in this week’s letter, I am writing about what the heck happened in May AND I am adding some depth.
When I share little bullets and nuggets of my month I’m playing it safe. Covering the bases and trying to hit a home run in home swing out of the park but what about lingering at each one for a while? I’ve been at this writing thing pretty “seriously” for over six years, devoted each weeks and I fear about not getting better. About regression. Or digression?
Of why I said yes. I want to preserve that thinking because the way I make decisions and my motivations will shift in the future. I want to capture the change. To notice it and see it for what it is.
So here are three things from May I’m going deeper on.
On Salsa
My month started out with signing up for an eight-week Level 1 Salsa class.
Hold the phone. Yes you read that right. I moved to the land of the Dutchies and am learning a partner dance that originated in Cuba. Huh? What the heck?
Why?
Well, that day when I got overstimulated celebrating King Willem’s birthday, I met a bunch of salsa teachers, and they were so fun! The energy was something I hadn’t felt in a while so I followed that. It also helped that I received it as a complimentary gift. And I just moved to Amsterdam two months ago, knowing only one person, so I want, and honestly need to make friends. It’s also nice to have some play and movement on my calendar.
On day one, I walked in. Solo foot work felt like a piece of cake. Then we partnered up. A follower came up to me, and I felt like my eleven-year-old self in sixth grade who took ballroom dancing class. The fear of repulsing my partner with my slimy squids as we made a connection to start dancing came back to me like it was yesterday. I got over it with speed realizing that my partner had a sweat band. I was somehow sweating less than him.
That first lesson felt scary and uplifting at the same time. Everyone in the room was a beginner. We were all finding the beat together, listening for the calls, slowly synchronizing our feet and when to open up with the “cumbia step” and slowly getting better. That’s the whole reason I said yes.
What Salsa is teaching me is how to be more confident in a new form of connection. That first weekend in May, I cycled to a salsa party with just one 90-minute lesson under my belt. It was at a bar. It's been years since my last time at a bar at night. First time going to a bar solo in a while too, but I knew Zey from class would be there. I brought my earplugs and left my phone and wallet at home. All I brought was a sticky note with the directions in the pocket of my leather jacket. After two hours of stimulation and a range of styles across eight partners, I was glad I showed up and was kapoot. Excited for my next salsa party.
What’s next for Salsa? I am showing up. I am excited to keep going into the summer and making some friends to have fun connecting with through dance. I’m tentatively taking Level Two.
On Dutch Language Class
One of my regrets from my 2017 study abroad in Amsterdam was that I was never diligent in my efforts to learn Dutch. Sure I loved my teacher Bonny. I liked my classmates. But when push came to shove, the only time I ever spoke Dutch was at the pub with a greenie in hand. And I never challenged myself to learn new questions on my own time.
I’m changing that around this time. when I received a raving referral to Taalhuis my first week here in Amsterdam, I signed up days later for my A1.2 course. I learned some things in this class…
What I didn’t like: The loudest student in my Dutch class, we’ll call her Felicity from Turkey, who would never let my brain process the question before she’d blurt out the answer. I didn’t appreciate her condescending look at me while partnered up and doing the " “geen versus niet" exercises together, or how she’d refuse to sing along for the “head, shoulders, knees and toes” song. Something else was how Izzy was a perfectionit with grammar and how Welma from South Africa had zero imagination and would need to look up Every Single Dutch Word on her phone in the middle of class. I prefer to just take a guess, move on, and revisit it again.
What I liked: How docent Johannes would be playful and laugh at Dutch when it wouldn’t make sense, and never fret if I’d start speaking French instead of my intended Dutch. I loved befriending Sam from Seattle, who has been learning Dutch with her two children by watching cartoons with them at night. And Mike from Britain says he always appreciates the questions I ask in class about pronunciation and how to better understand word placement in sentences. I really like the memory games, images of interviewing a peer about their house, and real estate house-buying dialogue, and the open question-and-answer portion of class for open dialogue and bring the illogical, random parts of the lessons to the surface.
What Dutch class actually taught me was less about the language and more about how I learn and who I want to be in a room where I don’t know the answer. It taught me that I want to have fun. I want to learn how to speak and listen, rather than read and write, or fixate on grammar. I want to be okay with feeling dumb. And be okay using the little Dutch I know when I’m speaking to test my recall. I don’t want to brute-force it because I know I will quit before making much progress at all. Dutch is a long-term game for me.
What’s next for Dutch? I’m pushing pause on the next A2 class. I work inside on a computer, so this summer I want to see how self-studying goes. I intend to sandwich my evening journaling with noting down a new word I learn each day and asking Dutch questions each time I am with a Dutch person. The plan is to presume A2 class in the fall.
On picnicking in Vondelpark
I met an Australian Dutch fella at an offline scrapbooking event in mid-May. We bonded over both of our grandmothers being from the Netherlands and fleeing from the country after the war. He wrote his phone number on a napkin and invited me to his afternoon birthday picnic in two Saturdays.
When Saturday came, I rolled up with nerves high, only knowing him. He introduced me to the other American there who loves acting and the European lifestyle. Then I chatted with an Icelander who eats stingray soup on December 23rd each year, and an Italian obsessed with Harry Potter and bike mechanics, and the rest of the folks were from Australia. I had never been in the minority around so many Australians. It was such a hoot.
We each took photos in a beach hat, and played frisbee with it. My feet got super duper muddy. We danced to ABBA and Come on Eileen. Some of my favorite karaoke songs. I felt like I was dancing with some of the people I miss the most through their favorite music. We ate some cake, sang some songs, shared some stories, drank some €7 coconuts, attempted some cartwheels, and exchanged laughs aplenty. It was one of my most fun summery days yet. And then biked home.
How blessed am I to be here for a whole Dutch summer?
I showed up knowing I had nothing to lose and could always leave early, but ended up staying late.
What I want to take away from May is the question: “Why not?!” It makes the fear seem smaller. And honestly, most of the best things this month started with exactly that.
❓Question to think about
What do you want to remember from May 2026?
If you missed over the past months I wrote about:
Woo weee okay now into the rest of this letter…. :-)
~~~
🎧Listening
Miracle Love by Matt Corby
Because I’ve been going down rabbit holes of Australian musicians ever since realizing I had no idea that Vance Joy and Tame Impala were Australian.
And we were grown on the same round little blue dot
Although the answers will take their time and the spinning won't stop
So could it be that the nightmare is upon us
And heavy hearts can't decide when they've had enough
So they're burning out cold?
🔍 Dutch Word to define
Kennismaken
a Dutch verb that means “to meet someone for the first time” or “to make someone’s acquaintance”. It is commonly used when you are introduced to a new person or when becoming familiar with a new concept or place. (source)
The word is a combination of two parts:
Kennis: meaning “knowledge” or “acquaintance”
Maken: meaning “to make” or “to do”
🗂️ From the Archives
In 2025
Written from Vietnam
A year ago, the month of May in Thailand looked much different…
“Summary of sicknesses my body overcame in May: dengue virus, food poisoning, bed bugs. Grateful every day for my body feeling like it used to.”
In 2021
written from Chicago
“I ended up walking about 5+ miles everyday because I enjoyed it so much. I found calls throughout my day that I didn’t have to be sitting down for. It went so well that I even ran my longest run yet of the year on Sunday adding up to a 10K.”
🏙 Letter 62: Reflection of May, Casey Neistat, Capstone News, Architecture Tour
Hello fellow learn-it-all,
🌟Quote to Inspire
“Spend more time smiling than frowning and more time praising than criticizing.” — Richard Branson
📸Photos of the Month
a photography workshop, an intimate listening party of Abby Simone, my roommates cycling together, one of the many “blauwe regen” (wysteria) flowers blooming, me at the open mic for the first time, a puddle of scrapbookers at an Offline event, my first time making appel panenkoken with cinnamon, my new fave cafe, and another Jen journaling.
🙏Shoutouts
to my friend Emily, who left today for Tahiti to sail back to Hawaii this month. Many prayers are traversing over to the South Pacific that this voyage goes smoothly and she has a lot of fun living our dream out!
to my new journaling friend Jennifer who’s featured in the last photo as we are high on life from our decaf lattes and delicious rhubarb macaroon pastries
to Tamara Hasekamp for sharing in this piece about naming her fears and becoming more conscious of them. I resonate with the fear that wanting more makes me appear ungrateful or selfish.
to my friend Dion who created such a unique video from the birthday picnic
I am grateful you chose to fill part of your day here.
If something in this letter resonated, press the ❤️ , leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach me at vermetJL@gmail.com. I love hearing from you.
Keep on learning 😁
Tot snel 🌺 🌺
Toodles :)
Jen
P.S. #1 - I wrote a book. Letters to My Life is my favorite way to share my writing with you (and it keeps your screen-time stats down). Grab your copy here.
P.S. #2 Here’s what you missed. Last week I wrote a permission slip for us this summer to follow the fun!!
P.S. #3 - A vignette about the picnic: