🌧️ Monsoon May in Motion
What I learned while drifting between islands, communities, and illnesses (letter 265)
Xin chào fellow learn-it-all 👋
(pronounced zin jowe, I think)
Greetings from a rainy day at the Zen Library in Hội An, Vietnam 🇻🇳
I’m trying not to beat myself up for finishing this four days later than I planned and already ten days into June.
Even five years into this weekly newsletter thing, I still sometimes find myself tempted to lose sleep, typing away in bed despite all my blue-light-avoiding rituals, but thankfully I’m sleeping in a hostel right now and the clacking keyboard was disturbing bunkmates, so I shut it down.
But excuses are just lies wrapped up in reasons.
And I’m choosing grace instead.
Today, as I was catching up on yesterday’s June Journaling prompt, " How can I show up with love this week?” I realized that this very act of grace is showing love toward my creative part, even when I don’t feel worthy.
So here we are, sipping a delectable egg cream iced cocoa for 45K dong ~ $1.71.
I’m showing up.
That’s what matters.
Now, let’s dive into letter 265 from a learn-it-all. It became a little longer, but I have a silly snapshot at the bottom. :) Enjoy!
~~~
❓Question to think about
What the heck happened in May?
🤔 Reflecting
May was a lot. It tested me and reminded me that healing and life rarely comes in linear lines or as planned.
It was a bit hard for me to write about because it was grim.
Usually, I put these updated into little categories of wins, surprises, moments, lessons, etc. like last month, but this time around I’m going to see how a hodge-podge list goes.
Here’s what stood out:
🗒️ Notable things
Movement: in April I moved from north of Thailand to the south and in May I bounced around a lot between the islands from Koh Phangan for a solo writing retreat to Koh Samui to meet up with Paul Millerd and Angie Wang then to Koh Tao to plan scuba dive with Hawaii friends only to end up being hospitalized.
Hospital: I caught dengue fever and spent four days frequenting the hospital. It was draining—physically, emotionally, spiritually. But I was lucky to be surrounded by friends who showed up with care and presence. That kind of love lingers. I never knew I’d face my fear of needles so many times in a row. Most blood I’ve ever given to check the platelet count constantly.
Hospitality: Afterward, I rested in Bangkok with a host family for a week to gain my appetite back and sleep cadence by soaking in slower day. Living with my lifelong learning friend Suwit with his family’s warm hospitality inspired me and I loved his bookcase and how much he enjoys Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Community living: I lived and volunteered ten days at the Mindfulness Project. A place where living in community meant everything from plastering walls together to sharing in nightly talking circles about fear, shame, and other tender truths. I lived in a tent until the locals said they’d never seen the river as high as it was in their lifetime and the lightning storm led to the flooding on me and Nati’s tent. Overall this project reminded me that vulnerability can be contagious in the best way and creates the type of connection I crave and have missed living in Thailand the past seven months, where understanding while speaking is the main goal rather than deep connection.
A hiccup and a happy moment: I stayed at a monastery for Buddha Day. Even though I left with bed bug bites, I also left with something else: a deeper sense of peace. I’ll never forget the 150-minute loving-kindness meditation. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I silently received love and compassion from people I love.
Some courage: I published my first fictional piece on my Substack about what life would look like if smartphones were recalled.
A magical moment: I hosted a letter-writing workshop on my final day of the volunteer project. Watching others light up through reflection, and reading parts of their heartfelt notes back to me, reminded me why I pursue this practice of letter writing and dedicated my first book to it. There’s something sacred about putting pen to page in shared space.
Less movement: A visa hiccup from Chat GPT lying to me about my visa on arrival in Vietnam became a surprise reunion with my Argentinian Nati tent mate at a laundromat. We ended up walking and talking about everything from our grandmothers and dreams to being a magician surrendering control. That small detour still echoes in me. We are now co-prompting magician letters each month.
More movement: For June I’ve moved from Thailand to Vietnam for the first 18 days of this month
Summary of sicknesses my body overcame in May: dengue virus, food poisoning, bed bugs. Grateful every day for my body feeling like it used to.
🌀A list of random things
mornings waking to a gong for sunrise yoga then meditation
mornings in silence until after breakfast after a community hug
homemade roasted peanut cocoa granola with coconut milk and fruit salad for breakfast
eating this breakfast for dinner most nights
watching the news for the first time in five years in Thai with Suwit. I saw sign language in the bottom right and tickers on the bottom banner of other events that felt like TikTok. All the newscasters were women. There are too many tragedies and wars going on. I was already sad with food poisoning and then I felt even more sad.
making and teaching bracelet-making for friends just because. My friend said his just fell off in Sri Lanka 5 months later <3
inspiring friends to read their poems aloud for the first time after I share mine. Spoken word is powerful.
the song lyrics to the Mindfulness Project theme song: Someday I wake up in the morning, look around and feel how much this love has grown. Someday I wake up in the morning, look around and feel how much this is our home.
Setting up my Trusted House Sitter profile with so many animal pictures 🥰
sleeping on top of a tool shed with mosquito nets cuddled next to others, even though it’s bloody hot and humid. It was safer than being in my flooded tent.
crying while hugging a friend after sharing a shameful truth
watching Captain Fantastic on top of the aformentioned toolshed
Singing Britney Spears and Mamma Mia like I’m in middle school again
💭 Noggin Noodlings
Ten days into June, with ten questions I’m sitting with this month.
How can I appreciate imperfection (instead of chastising it)?
What cultural differences do I notice between Thailand and Vietnam, Germany and the Netherlands?
How can I slow down even while being stalked by vendors on the street or while taking a swig of a strong coffee?
What is my ideal relationship to caffeine? (Currently, I drink it every other day.)
What does my definition of “success” look like?
What do I want to create? How could it be a co-creation?
How can I become more decisive when a decision aligns with my values? Do I even need to be quicker?
It’s been two months since I received active income from work. How could I make money as an expat? Would I prefer being a sole proprietor or do I want to apply for traditional employment?
How could I design and update my personal website to feel more genuine and “Jen”?
Who do I want to reconnect with to cultivate more depth with?
If you want to jam about any of these questions, I’m actively thinking about them and invite you to leave a comment or email me at vermetJL@gmail.com
~~~
In hindsight, May wasn’t just a chapter. It was a turning point. A lesson in letting go of control and adapting to my reality despite the plans I had.
It was a refreshing unplanned return to what I miss about community— support, decisions, routine, play, vulnerability.
May was a reminder that checking in with presence is the real passport I need to protect with me.
I’d love to know: What did May teach you? I’d love to hear your reflections—big or small 💌. Better late than never.
Lastly a poem from May…
📜🖋 Poetry Corner
This Beautiful Season
This beautiful season reminded me of reasons to see the light in life This beautiful season even with fears and shame the pain subsides with people by Even when plaster peels my palms There’s no disaster— I heal. Even when I recall feeling small, I see space to fill— grateful to feel. This beautiful season I sing loud in a songthaew feeling joy, remembering how the nature of my spirit has more colors than a carrot such beauty found in the brown of the rooted deep ground. Even when feeling low It’s like a bright rainbow To remember this beautiful season This beautfiul season full of tears from all my years I suppress my distress, afraid to express. Full of what truly matters Connecting to my inner child, opening my heart with healing hugs, and finding depth for where I want my oak tree to root and make beautiful fruit This beautiful season reminded me of reasons to see light in my life This beautiful season is beautiful.
~~~
That’s the May chapter—now closed.
Here’s a peek at what I’ve been reading, listening to, and learning lately 👇
📖 Reading
From a book I found at the Calm House I found at called Shaolin: How To Win Without Fighting by Bernhard Moestl:
“Remember, whoever controls your pace also controls your life. And that, I hope, will once again soon be you.”
🎧Listening
Five songs to share from my month of May, because with more travel comes more music :)
(1) Never Better by Wild Rivers
Are we both out of our minds?
Walking a line we said we wouldn't cross
Head first into disaster
Still if you ask me how I'm holding up
I'll say, "Never better"
JV note: Whenever I’m sulking in sadness for a little too long, I like to listen to this. It puts a lil pep in my step. If you see my skipping with my earphones in, it’s probably because I’m listening to this song.
(2) Linger by The Cranberries
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?
JV note: I will never forget everyone at the project singing this and I had never heard it before.
(3) See Her Out (That’s Just Life) by Francis and the Lights
If you see her out there
Behind the wheel
Driving getaway
Oh god, I hope she escapes
Whole damn world is a cage
JV note: I don’t know why, but I just the way these sounds make me move my arms like a robot.
(4) Fly Me to the Moon by Shoby, Izzie Naylor
Fly me to the moon,
let me play among the stars
JV note: I was looking to play Frank Sinatra while humming him while swirling down a secluded beach in Koh Phangan. Ended up finding this song and having a dance party on big boulder rocks on repeat. It’s kinda tropical house vibes but even softer.
(5) ur so pretty by Wasia Project
You're so pretty
When you smile, it kills me, oh-oh, oh-oh
Can't stop thinking 'bout the way you kissed me
Under the stars
JV note: when this came up on my classical writing music discover playlist it made me wanna cry. It’s so soft and sad, yet ethereal.
🔍Word to define
Aimless (adj.): without direction, goal, or purpose.
It comes from the word “aim” (to direct or intend) plus “-less” (without). So literally, without an aim.
Related words: aimlessly (wandering around with no goal), aimlessness (the state of lacking direction).
unambitious, purposeless, pointless, goalless, undirected, objectless, unfocused, without purpose, without goal; meaningless, senseless, futile, hollow, frivolous, barren, profitless, fruitless
When was the last time you felt aimless in a good way?
🌟Quote to inspire
“Do not wish for an easy life. Wish for the strength to endure a difficult one.” — Bruce Lee
🤪 A silly snapshot on a songthaew
Because eye protection is essential. Opthamologists worldwide would be proud of me.
📸Photo of the Month at the Mindfulness Project
🙏Shoutouts
to my body that it can heal itself
to the people that touched my month. Off the top of my head here goes (and from text histories): Kate, Ivana, Paul, Angie, Allison, Uncle Clay, Em, CAJ, Henry, Suwit, May, Mii, Eva, Nati, Angie, Caro, Alma, Dinkeke, Emma, Elinn, Natty, Christian, Nick, Shardae,
I appreciate you reading this!
If ideas resonated, I’d love you to press the heart button, leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach me at vermetjl@gmail.com.
Keep on learning 😁
Cảm ơn for reading 🌺 🌺 (or phonetically Gahm Uhn)
Jen
PS - in case you missed last week’s letter, it was an invitation to join me on a journaling month of June with prompts centered on well-being.
PPS- if you’d like to read my favorite letters, the best way to encourage my work is to buy my book on Amazon here.
PPPS- I’m loving Vietnam, and look at this lantern I just made this morning! Excited to write more about this next time ;)
If you’re reading this because someone shared this newsletter with you, welcome! I’d love it if you signed up:
Loving kindness and bed bugs. If that doesn’t cover the creative diversity of our divine architect I don’t know what does.