🌈 The Beauty of Happy Accidents

Embracing Life’s Unpredictability (Letter 213)

If you’d like to listen to a voiceover of me reading my writing, press play above or on Substack.

It was the holiday season in December 1985 when my parents first met under a Moosehead next to the front door at the Rustic Cabins bar just outside of Detroit, Michigan.

Livin’ On a Prayer by Bon Jovi was probably blasting on the speakers, purple lipstick colored my mom’s lips, and cheap Canadian beer sloshed onto Converse sneakers by blotto twentysomethings. Their connection started as a friendship. It was nurtured by shared moments like their first bicycle ice cream date many months later. He taught her to sail, she taught him to ski, and their bond deepened. Over time, this paved the way for my existence. I was a seven-pound, eight-ounce baby born nearly ten years after the best happy accident that ever happened to me: the night my parents met.

I didn’t ask to be born, yet here I am, more grateful than ever for this life.

The Randomness of Existence

I was created by chance, which confuses me about why humans plan to dictate the future as if they have complete control of their causes and conditions. The whole essence of my existence has felt random.

This raises the question of my agency and free will. Is it up to God’s plan or fate? Or is it mere scientific probability that things will work out in my favor?

Who knows?

I do know that my existence resulted from both chance and intention.

My parents met by chance but chose to develop their relationship intentionally. Reflecting on their journey—marriage, buying a house, and conceiving my older brother—I see how my life began randomly and grew from their deliberate choices. They created conditions that made happy accidents more likely, such as meeting someone to build a life with. That’s what landed them under that Moosehead.

As I focus the aperture of the camera lens on my life, I see nothing but a mere sequence of happy accidents.

I first fell into the practice of Zen Buddhism in October of 2021. I jetted off on my Japanese red moped for an errand for my roommate to pick up her art supplies from the Zen Center. I’d never been to a Zen Center, but it looked serene and peaceful. Before this, in 2019, when I walked by a Midwest Buddhist Temple 0.3 miles from my apartment daily, I felt intimidated by the gated walls. But something was inviting about this one.

After living in a hostel in the bustling tourist summer destination of Waikiki, zooming to the very back of the Palolo Valley to this Zen Center was the most peaceful and quiet I’d encountered since a snowed-in cottage in northern Michigan.

Instantly, I was attracted to the solitude and the idea of meditating with spiritual seekers studying the dharma philosophy. It felt like my insides were coming alive with intrigue. Lucky me, right?! I could surround myself with a group of people aware of their suffering and actively pursuing an experiential practice to find a way to navigate it.

After the temple administrator told me about the orientation, I emailed to attend it when I was back home on my computer at the end of the month. I now support expanding the Zen community (sangha) and recently vowed to sit daily in Zen meditation (zazen) for this summer’s six-week intensive practice.

I see myself as intentional, consciously making choices and taking actions that align with my values and goals rather than acting on impulse or external pressures. This random discovery has created guilt that I didn't have a strategic approach to how I stumbled into practicing Zen. It was a complete chance encounter.

But so much of my life has been a slew of happy accidents like that one.

Happy Accidents

My first time coming to Hawaii was after responding to an email for an education program to lead operations and the community of college students. It led to an interview and a job that flew me over, and I never left. Days before I was supposed to leave, I surfed into my new roommate, Emily, from Louisiana, at the Canoes Surfbreak in Waikiki. We bonded over gratitude for this place, its ocean, sailing, and journaling. I impressed her by taking an oyster shooter; it was a done deal.

Weeks later, I wanted to expand my community to more than one person. I downloaded Bumble BFF, eager to meet more like-minded friends. Sara’s profile caught my eye with her search for creative, adventurous, and authentic friends to share activities with. We hit it off and got scuba-certified together the following week.

Then I swiped right on Carter Anne, another spiritual seeker looking for grounded friends. Our connection led us to hang out at the beach and attend church together.

While doing a phoneless experiment one weekend, I met Hannah in a Hawaiian bookstore. She was wearing a bright red Japanese kimono, and without my phone, I scribbled my number on a sticky note for her. We had afternoon tea days later, sparking another wonderful friendship.

I reached out to Lexi, a friend of a friend who lived on the North Shore. After renting a car for the day to go to Waimea Beach, Lexi told me about how welcoming her beach volleyball friends were in Waikiki. After bumping some balls on a Tuesday night at Fort DeRussy Beach Park, this led to an exponential increase in my community. Sanjeevi, Scott, Tom, and Cassidy soon became part of my growing circle thanks to the team sport of beach volleyball. Everything felt so natural.

I built my community from the ground up, one person at a time.

It was all fortuitous and beautiful.

Life as a Series of Fortuitous Events

When I zoom out and look at my life like an albatross soaring in the sky, I see that my life today depends on fortuitous events. "Fortuitous" means something that happened by accident or a lucky chance rather than design. Although I love Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans and Design the Life You Love by Ayse Birsel books, they can only go so far.

These chance encounters with the growing community have shaped who I am and where I am today. If I hadn’t met all these wonderful people, I probably wouldn’t have been driven enough to make this lifestyle work for me with the transience that island life presents with honeymooners, partygoers, and influencers.

Critique of Future Planning

So what does this mean?

Can employers stop asking where I see myself in five years? It’s bogus. I don’t even know where I see myself next month. I’m listening to the world and my body, both dynamic beings. Life is unpredictable, so expecting it not to be would be lying to myself.

I want to calibrate my compass by creating conditions that allow happy accidents to occur. Tying myself to a crystal-clear road map for life with pre-determined specifics is stagnant and flawed since humans are always developing. I am releasing myself from my self-made pressure prison.

I know I need to accept this and release expectations of figuring out life, but that is easier said than done. My Zen teacher, Michael, told me that true understanding comes from embodying and living out the concept in experience. This means immersing myself in experiences, letting go of the need for control, and trusting the process.

One profound insight came during my Zen Sesshin on the Big Island in May. I was the trail leader on the first day. It was a rainy, dreary day, and I was guiding nine other sangha members through a misty, fog-covered, volcanic, rocky path. Visibility was poor. My glasses were pixelated with water droplets, and I could barely see the next ahu, a pile of rocks marking the way. This taught me that seeing just the next step is enough. Life doesn't require a full roadmap, just the courage to move step by step. The way is made while I walk it.

There’s this delusion that I need to plan my life, but it's a hoax. My anxiety yearns to grasp onto certainty when there is none. Instead, I choose the verb of planning and updating my desires for this lifetime. I find clarity and peace when I focus on the present and embrace each moment.

It is beautiful to allow life to unfold.

Reflecting on randomness and life’s unpredictability, I now embrace the fortuitous nature of existence. I can't control every event, but I can create conditions for happy accidents that bring me joy and connection. Instead of mapping out every detail of my future, I focus on living in the present and embracing what comes my way while staying in alignment with my values.

I owe my existence to a chance encounter under a Moosehead, a testament to happy accidents. Every fortuitous event, from my parents' meeting to my journey with Zen, has shaped who I am. I am grateful for the randomness and joy these moments bring and the unexpected paths happy accidents have sent me down. Thank you, Moosehead, for that serendipitous night.

~~~

If you are reading this for the first time, I’d love you to sign up below to join the other learn-it-alls:

~~~

❓Question to think about

Where have I had happy accidents in my life?

🙏Shoutouts

• This piece wasn’t written alone. Thank you to the editorial support from Emily Waguespack,

  Jack Dixon
  ,
  Steven Foster
  , Nick Goodey, Melanie Keath, and Danver Chandler

~~~

I appreciate you reading this!

If ideas resonated, I’d love you to press the heart button, leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach me at vermetjl@gmail.com. If you forgot who I am, I welcome you to my online home.

Keep on learning 😁

Mahalo 🌺

Jen

~~~

Aloha fellow learn-it-all 👋

Greetings from Honolulu, Hawaii

🎧 Listening

We've gotta hold on to what we've got

It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not

We've got each other and that's a lot for love

We'll give it a shot

🔍Word to define

Serendipity: (n) the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way: a fortunate stroke of serendipity | a series of small serendipities.

Etymology

Coined by Horace Walpole in 1754, suggested by The Three Princes of Serendip, the title of a fairy tale in which the heroes ‘were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of’.

🌟Quote to inspire

“Creativity comes from spontaneous meetings, from random discussions. You run into someone, you ask what they’re doing. You say ‘Wow’ and soon you’re cooking up all sorts of ideas.” —Steve Jobs

📸Photo of the Week

This is the University of Hawaii pool where I’ve been practicing swimming. It’s intense. My heart rate has been spiking. I haven’t swam this much butterfly or breaststroke since college. I’ve felt deprived in open water swimming in the sea without using the flags for backstroke, so those are delightful. I have my first of four open water swim races tomorrow morning. I’m a blend of nervous and excited.

Until next week! Too da loo.

Thank you for reading (or listening)

:)