📜 My Letter to 2023: A Mosaic of Moments
Letter 194: Unscripted stories from tea parties to triathlons
Aloha fellow learn-it-all 👋
Greetings from rainy Poipu, Kauai!
I just enjoyed a brain freeze while eating some acai covered in coconut flakes and sipping matcha latté with my parents for breakfast over some ambient dripping of droplets. Watch out world, I drank some caffeine today.
I’m feeling exceptionally grateful to my parents and brother for traveling 4,551 miles to hang out with me for the next nine days. Over in Michigan, they haven’t seen the sun since last year. The gloom has been gloomy. Time for some vitamin D from the sun and some vitamin fun with Jen.
I’m grateful for the planes that got them here. The slurfs that help them deboard the plane. The workers who schlepped their bags onto the carousel. The rental car workers who were working into the wee hours of the night. The stray cats rummaging around and amusing me. The light reflectors on the road made it look like a plane could be landed on the tarmac, and let my dad see while driving. The soft texture of my pineapple pajamas. The scent of sleepy time tea. My mom placing another blanket over me because I’m not used to air conditioning. And, of course, to the roosters that woke me in the morning.
Now, let’s dive into letter 194 from a learn-it-all. Enjoy!
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❓Question to think about
If I were to write a letter to 2023, which notable experiences would I express?
🖊️Writing
Dear 2023,
Looking back, all I have to express is abundant gratitude to you.
I honestly can’t believe that the year we shared was indeed my reality. I pinch myself while observing that the life I live is the one that I live. None of it was planned to a T – most of it wasn’t too planned at all. It fell together and revealed itself with time.
It was one helluva courageous, peaceful, and connected year. My actions align with the words I set as my intentions, and with that, I am building even more trust for myself than I’ve ever had.
I’m appreciative to my past self for setting these three intentions of courage, peace, and connection as my compass for how to live. Did I accomplish these things? Well, I’m not sure. You tell me?
Actions speak louder than words, so let me take a stab at it.
Some of the impactful events in chronological order of these intentions:
LIVING OUT COURAGE, CONNECTION, & PEACE
Courage Part 1
On January 31, 2023, after sharing my annual intentions to do a hell of a lot of writing and create a book, feedback at the company retreat led to my project for the year to co-write the HOPA: Hawaii, Ohana, & Pure Aloha book. During much of this process, fear and self-doubt swirled like a cyclone over my head planting narratives that I am not qualified to contribute or lead such a project given I am not from Hawaii nor have a degree in writing. With the support of two co-authors, a beta cohort of readers, and a publishing team, I led this idea from inception to execution. On December 11, 2023, the team packaged with much love and shipped out 150+ HOPA holiday packages with advanced reader copies to the community of supporters. It was the most productive, satisfying, and stressful day of my year.
Courage Part 2
On April 17, 2023, I boarded a massive Korean Airlines plane to fly over a day to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I got to go to Asia for the first time. Alone. I discovered many faux pas like how to turn my tongue into a fire-breathing dragon, get layers of my skin painfully loofa’ed off, and reserve a hostel for the wrong night. Along with those came a bright purple tongue from dragon fruit for breakfast, journaling next to dolphins and a Dutchie while living off a sailboat by Komodo National Park, a day trip to Singapore to meet an inspiring writer, and negotiating a bargain for necklaces, a tee, and my favorite blue Aztec sarong after my last surf session in Uluwatu, Bali. This three-week adventure turned into meditation underwater while scuba diving and a spiritual awakening to search for my devotions.
Courage Part 3
On May 21, 2023, I moved my body for two hours and 58 minutes to complete my first-ever Olympic triathlon in Honolulu. The swim invigorated me and made me feel steadfast. I felt like I was in the MICSA Summer swim finals again, getting a rush from the competition. Full of glee, the swim went by in the blink of my eye. Shifting gears, chugging saltwater, and stuffing gummies into my mouth, I felt as if I were in a computer game while cruising at an average speed of 18mph throughout the 25-mile bike.
While running, I nearly collapsed in the last 10 kilometers with the sun rising and my heart rate consistently spiking around 180 beats per minute. I didn’t let that get to me. I learned to slow my pace to get a grip on my breathing even if that meant taking some breaks from jogging to walk at the water stations. Walking is not a failure when your heart is overheating.
Peace Part 1
On May 18, 2023, I raised my hand to lead the sangha of 10 zen practitioners from the majestic baths in Halape to our final campsite in the oceanic ‘Āpua Point in National Volcano Park. It was the fourth day out of five of the intensive silent practice. While leading, my fellow zen friends were trailing quite close behind me and not giving me the space to count my breath and ruminate on life. I felt like I was letting down the group by passing the totem at lunch to stop leading, but my intention for this sesshin was not to rush. Sometimes that means stepping down from leading. Sometimes it is okay to be a “passenger princess”. There is value enough in every role that people play in a group setting and that means it is okay not to lead.
Peace Part 2
On December 2, 2023, I found myself in the emergency room at Queen’s Hospital. I skipped the biathlon. It was the first time I didn’t show up for a race. I kept waking in the night thinking a sea urchin was pricking me in the chest. Then an elephant came along sat on my chest and my breath kept getting shorter. All of this made me think I was having a heart attack. After the EKG test, X-ray and blood work, the doctor and nurse reassured me everything was healthy. This was an expensive experience, but if it’s the price to pay for my sanity, I’m in. I have a vivid imagination that can do wonders for my creative expression but a deficit for my mental health. I am grateful that I am healthy. I am noticing how my mind can take over my body. I am learning more about my nervous system, to sit in my senses, and regulate my body better.
Connection Part 1
On February 12, 2023, I celebrated my 27th birthday (3 days early) at a tea party like the one I was quite fond of on my 9th birthday, minus the American Girl dolls. I got gussied up with my three Hanai sisters and enjoyed pots of decadently scented hot beverages with tea sandwiches and cakes. We pulled curiosity cards out of a deck and spoke about what motivated our lives, whether it be career or community. I confessed to releasing the expectation of figuring out my life. This is my preferred form of connection– through vulnerable conversation with a small group of folks I trust.
On the eve of 2024, I celebrated in Hawaii for the first time with the most spunky people and danced the night away while hearing the booms of fireworks from every direction. It left me speechless, much different from the tea party. Partying can feel like an escape from reality, but sometimes provides a perspective of how to take life less seriously. After all, connection is a human need, so it is not something that needs to be earned like a brownie after an exhausting swim practice. Organize the game nights. Play dates are essential to life and are productive in themselves.
Connection Part 2
On June 3, 2023, my eardrums were rocked by Stick Figure singing as I swayed next to sisters from different misters. I was naughty and drank caffeine at night because the boba truck was calling my name. Weed was wafting in the air. Rainbow lights beamed from the stage and there were picnic blankets on the grassy lawn all around. At my first reggae concert, I witnessed the most vibrant and warm sunset at the iconic Waikiki Shell. I walked 3 minutes home after and slept soundly that night full of liveliness and gratitude. Taking time to pause and look around at how fascinating and beautiful life is and the people in it is a marvel.
Ahh 2023, you were such a treasure. I could go on and on digging into this trove of nostalgia.
As I bid farewell to the whirlwind that was 2023, I am reminded that life's journey is a mosaic of courageous leaps, meaningful connections, and moments of serene peace. Each experience, whether triumphant or challenging, has woven itself into the tapestry of my existence. You’ve made me feel abundantly rich. Thank you for panning out just the way you needed to. It’s been a hoot and a half knowing you.
Looking ahead to 2024, I carry with me the wisdom gained, grateful for the richness they've added to my story. Here's to embracing the unknown, fostering deeper connections, and finding solace in the peaceful pauses along the way. I will remember you fondly for the moments of growth and love that you showed me.
To the adventures that await.
Much love, 💕
Contemplative Jen in 2024
🌟Quote to inspire
“And yet, you’re stopped at the place where he began a couple of years ago, asking yourself: should I risk my heart? The answer is yes. Not because risking one’s heart is easy to do, but because not doing it puts you at risk of something far more terrible than having your heart broken: living a life made smaller by fear.”— Cheryl Strayed
📸Photo of the Week
I am thankful to my dear friend Allison. I have traveled the world to visit her — from London to LA to Kuala Lumpur — and she thankfully made a stop in Oahu to share some adventurous experiences with me.
🙏Shoutouts
To my friend Ben and the Reading Rhythms team for making it on the Today Show this past week. I am grateful to have experienced one of the OG gatherings on their rooftop in Brooklyn. They’re inspiring me to want to start a chapter of reading parties!
I appreciate you reading this!
If ideas resonate, I’d love you to press the heart button, leave a comment, reply to this email, or reach me at vermetjl@gmail.com. If you forgot who I am, I welcome you to my online home.
Keep on learning 😁
Mahalo 🌺
Jen
PS - if you liked this letter, you’d probably enjoy the 100 experiences I celebrate from 2023. And in case you missed last week’s letter, I shared poems on my adventures in Big Island.
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